25 Snorts of Crack
by Ares Is Awesome
Summary: One daily story of a crack pairing or theme from The Underland Chronicles until the goal of 25 is reached. Controversial topics.
1. The Dealer: Table of Snorts

Here I'm planning to make 25 off-beat, crack pairings or whatever (they're not all pairings).  
I'm going to try to publish one a day until I have 25. I may need help with ideas, so feel free to leave some for me!  
Go ahead and flame me if you want. I enjoy getting flames, I honestly do.  
However, I leave it open to anyone to flame you for the flames.  
And I know a few that will.  
Not to discourage flamers.

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This is rated T in general, though they will probably all be "touchy" subjects.  
I will specify the rated "M" ones, if I feel they should be marked as such.

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Underland Chronicles... -doesn't own-

* * *

Table of Snorts:

1) I Feel Pretty

2) Mmm... You Have a Nice Neck

3) I Still Like Royalty (M for suggestive material)

4) Can You really Blame Him?

5) Why I'm a Doctor


	2. 1: I Feel Pretty

"Mareth, I have a bag filled with your fresh clothes here."

"Please, just set them on the bed." It was my time, and I was certainly not about to be interrupted for clean garments. I stared again at my reflection. _There is something missing here…_ I paused a moment to see that I was alone again. Finding that I was, I resumed staring.

Every night for the past year had been roughly the same. I would stare at myself for hours, and I know I was missing something! Something would be… out of place. I could not come up with what it might be for the life of me. It was madness.

_Face is the same… it is my nose, my lips, my teeth, hair, ears, my eyes… My body, though more worn, is more or less the same… perhaps I shall take a break. Maybe, just maybe, I will think of it as I put away my laundered apparel._ I knew it would not be so, but, with a sigh, I made way to my bed, unable to help feeling empty.

I opened my sack of clothes and stuck my hand deep in… something felt off. The clothes seemed to flow into eachoter effortlessly. I admit, spinners' silk is like liquid on the skin, though my clothes were _never_ as fluid as this. Confused, I grabbed a handful of clothes and lifted it from the bag. It seemed so long, and at first I thought it might have been a mix up. These were too long to be my pants, though I knew York was currently visiting Regalia. He was almost more famous down here for his size than for ruling the Fount.

As I inspected it more thouroughly, I discovered that there had been, indeed, a mix up. However, it was not York's laundry I had received; it appeared to be someone's dress. I am not sure exactly how it happened, but something clicked in my mind. _This_ was what I was missing! I hurriedly put the gown on, giddy with understanding. I dashed over to my mirror, eager to see how it was.

Perfect. I have no idea how long I stood in front of the mirror, repeating to myself "I know! _This_ is how I am. I am complete." It might have been mere minutes or it may have been hours, but I was pulled out of my trance with a voice at my doorway.

"Mareth? What…?" Vikus, stunned, broke off his question. It might have been "What are you doing?" or "What were you thinking?" or quite possibly "What are you wearing?", and, though I did not know the question, I knew the answer.

"I feel like this is how I was meant to be."


	3. 2: You Have A Nice Neck

Mmm… You Have a Nice Neck

Ok, this, you kinda have to at least grasp the concept of of my Fic Awakened. So… -cue shameless advertising- Go read it!

Oh, and Ares's song "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" is by Death Cab for Cutie. If you don't listen to it while you read it, the effect is ruined, so you'd better. Here's a link to a video with it as the audio, for those too lazy to find it themsleves. Now I command thee to listen!

Linketh: youtube . com/watch?vsfBw0IWwO5U

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"Ares?"

"Ughhh… it is three in the morning. What?"

"I can't sleep."

"You do not say… Try again. Count nibblers."

"There aren't any nibblers here. And I can't count."

"Twirltongue is not here?"

"No."

"And neither is… that girl?"

"She has a name."

"But I forgot it."

"No."

"Did you try listening to music?"

"I don't have music."

"Can you not sing something?"

"I can't sing."

"Fine. Come over here."

"Can I lay down with you? I don't get sleepy standing up."

"Alright."

"Ares?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"You are welcome. Did you want me to sing to you or not?"

"Yes."

"Do you mind if I put my arm around you? It helps me get in the mood."

"Go ahead. It makes me feel safe."

"Ok. Ready."

"Mhmm."

_"Love of mine, some day you will die, but I'll be close behind. I'll follow you into the dark…_

_No blinding light, or tunnels to gates of white, just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark._

_If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs…_

_If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark."_

"Ares?"

"Mmmh?"

"You have a nice neck."

--

"They were like this when you found them this morning, Twirltongue?"

"Yes."

"It's kind of hot."

"Not nearly so much as I might say if they were strangers to me."

"Yeah, but still…"

"No."


	4. 3: I Still Like Royalty

I Still Like Royalty (M for suggestive material)

* * *

"I do not feel that it would be fair for me to be banished from out lands, Your Highness. Should I be punished for allowing a traitor to die?"

The wise flier sighed. "Ares, it would be more simple if the traitor was not your bond."

"Even still—" Ares twitched his wings, obviously agitated "—it should not be a crime in any circumstance to protect the nations."

"Yes, Ares, but there are those who argue that it should be a crime in every circumstanse for breaking an oath to protect somone to the death. I agree with you—I do—but I must at least think before I am on the bad side of half of my people. Bear with me here. You are only banned from the pitch pool as of this moment. It gives me time to make the decision."

The large flier sighed. "Whether I am officially banned or not, I suppose it does not matter. Who will even speak to me now? It is such an awful mess! Why did fate pick me for this?"

"I am speaking to you."

"Yes, but you…" He broke off, not wanting to offend the queen.

"I do not count?" Athena smirked playfully at the dark flier. "And why, may I ask, is that?"

"Well, you are royalty, for one. I have not had much honest from royalty, if you had not noticed." He grinned, too, and moved to perch closer to the white bat.

"And I do not blame you in the slightest." Athena dropped her voice to a soft, seductive whisper adding, "But I am not like other royalty."

Ares took that as his cue. He purred wildly and wrapped his wings around the queen.

"I still think I can like royalty, you know."


End file.
